{"id":2106,"date":"2014-12-20T12:38:31","date_gmt":"2014-12-20T18:38:31","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=2106"},"modified":"2014-12-20T16:38:53","modified_gmt":"2014-12-20T22:38:53","slug":"short-play-12-johannes-cabal-and-the-grave-urchins","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=2106","title":{"rendered":"Short Play 12 – Johannes Cabal and the Grave Urchins"},"content":{"rendered":"
\"SOCIAL<\/a>

SOCIAL STATEMENT!<\/p><\/div>\n

For this play, we were ordered to write a fan fiction. Or something like that. I don’t really remember.<\/p>\n

Johannes Cabal and the Grave Urchins
\n<\/span><\/strong>A Fanfic of the work of Jonathan L. Howard<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We hear rain and anemic thunder. As the lights rise, we see most of the stage is bare. Near the middle, there is a 12×12 sheet with strong aspirations of sepia. It is this small space where our story occurs. Outside, whether far upstage or directly apparent to the audience\u2019s view, we find a number of vagrants, charmingly dressed in all misleadingly elegantly finery of the vaguely Victorian vagabond. A few of them are holding rain sticks, which they periodically rotate in a desultory fashion, ensuring the rain\u2019s longevity while sacrificing its rhythm and verisimilitude. One or two other charming faux chimney sweeps sports a thunder sheet, which is shaken on occasion to offer the barest suggestion of atmospheric disturbance, eliciting both stiff-jawed nods of approval from nostalgia-minded critics and gawp-mawed stares of delight from credulous children of all ages.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Now as for the sheet itself. Upon it is depicted (either through the application of generous counts of dark brown ink, or ideally through stenciled projection) numerous graves. The graves appear to recede almost infinitely into the background. Before this sheet huddle five URCHINS.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 As if the symbolic value of these URCHINS were not already as obvious as a valet\u2019s intercession between a patron\u2019s promenade and a bathroom entryway, each of the downtrodden children wears a small sign around its neck (pray note that the term \u201cit\u201d has been chosen intentionally, being simultaneously a clever barb against the dehumanization of the poor and a thickly unnoticed commentary on the author\u2019s use of human symbolism). The signs, surprising no one, read \u201cArts,\u201d \u201cLabor,\u201d \u201cEducation,\u201d \u201cScience,\u201d and \u201cLeisure.\u201d The URCHINS huddle together, whisper, and otherwise do whatever the author (in his ironically limited and distanced knowledge) believes homeless children to do on a dark and rainy day.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Finally, when the ennui of the art house was just turning the corner from oppressive to overbearing, we see the entrance of Johannes CABAL, a necromancer of some little infamy. A hair above six feet tall, the Brit-by-way-of-Germany is a thin and severe looking man of his early thirties, his strict blond hair obscured by a tall black hat, and the rest of him by a black coat, black pants, black boots, black cravat, and mercifully white shirt. His hands are covered with large, heavy, and naturally black gloves. The only color to be found in his ensemble is two large, brown, burlap sacks, which he carries over his right shoulder; as well as blue-fogged baffled spectacles that obscure his eyes despite the weather.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The URCHINS freeze and glance nervously in his direction. His spectacles fail to obscure his narrow-eyed glare.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pause. Then, CABAL steps behind the sheet, and we can hear him fuddling with two heavy, organic objects.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The URCHINS look at one another, conspiratorially<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Who\u2019s that?<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

You don\u2019t know!? That\u2019s Johannes Cabal, he\u2019s a necromancer.<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

What\u2019s that?<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

It\u2019s a type of mouse.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

Is not! It\u2019s someone wot makes zombies, wot raises the dead!<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

Them aren\u2019t real.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

There\u2019s one wot just passed us! You sayin\u2019 he ain\u2019t real?<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Just coz he\u2019s real, don\u2019t mean he’s a neck-a-whatever.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

I tell ya he is! I\u2019ll bet ya anything.<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

If we had anything to bet.<\/p>\n

CABAL (offstage<\/em>)<\/strong><\/p>\n

And you would win that bet, boy. But as you have nothing to wager, and my kind are a somewhat infamous and dangerous lot, I recommend to emulate the habits of my trade-subjects and go-to-ground, or I shall feel quite justified in eliminating witnesses to my questionable activities.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

What?<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s gonna kill us!<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Let\u2019s go!<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Where!? There\u2019s nowhere to go.<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well, we could\u2026 we could\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 There is a loud thump behind the screen. All freeze. After a moment, CABAL reenters. Against all probability, the URCHINS grow tenser.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Which of you urchins would care to earn a penny?<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

I would!<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

I would, sir!<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

I would, Master!<\/p>\n

ALL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me! Me!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Well then, I have exhumed two test subjects and have returned to procure them, but I\u2019m finding some difficulty managing the two at once. Which of you is interested in dragging a bag three miles back to my home?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

What\u2019s in the bag?<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

I shall leave that to the extent of your considerably expansive imagination and considerably limited comprehension. Suffice it to say, the successful candidate shall have a strong back and a weak nose. I\u2019ll leave your quorum to discuss the matter further.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wait! That\u2019s hours of work, for less than one meal! We deserve more.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Then I recommend you avail yourself to the local constabulary and complain of my unfair business practices. He shall be far more concerned with the matter of grave robbing, of course, and I shall be forced to defend my small business with extreme prejudice, both against the long arm of the law and<\/em> against a willful and impractical labor pool, but by all means, avail yourself.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can\u2019t intimidate us!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

History teaches me otherwise.<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

You can hire all of us, three pennies each, or you can hire none of us!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

One penny.<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Two!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

One.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

Fine. One.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Excellent. Now you five decide which of you gets that penny. You may all assist, or one of you may assist, it makes no difference to me.<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

We said one penny each!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

And I said one penny. I\u2019ll leave it to you to decide which of you five is strongest.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

We are united, sir.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Of course you are. For now.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 CABAL again returns behind the screen. We here more fumbling. The URCHINS stare at each other<\/em>.<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

We have to remain united.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

What if he just goes on without us? One penny\u2019s better than no pennies.<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

And what about the rest of us?<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

He needs us! We have the power! We can demand two, three pennies each! It\u2019s not as though he hasn\u2019t got it. As long as we\u2019re united, he has no choice but to deal with us.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

But what if he walks away?<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

We have to take that chance.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 CABAL reenters, slowly dragging the two burlap bags. There are obviously dead bodies in them<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

All right, which of you is strongest?<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

No deal, sir. You\u2019ll pay us three pennies each, or you\u2019ll do without us.<\/p>\n

THUNDER SHEET OPERATOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

I got a strong back.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

(indicates thunder sheet operator<\/em>) He says he\u2019s got a strong back.<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

He\u2019s not even in the play!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Yet there he is, offering his labor for a penny.<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

He never said a penny.<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

And he\u2019s not real.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Looks real enough to me. Perhaps\u00a0I\u2019ll engage his services.<\/p>\n

LABOR<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll do it! Gimme the penny!<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

No!<\/p>\n

ARTS<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wait! Me! I got a strong back!<\/p>\n

EDUCATION<\/strong><\/p>\n

Wait!<\/p>\n

SCIENCE<\/strong><\/p>\n

Me! I can do it!<\/p>\n

LEISURE<\/strong><\/p>\n

I got a strong back!<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Very well. Which of you is strongest?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

I\u2019ll need to know which of you is the strongest. Which of you is most qualified to do this job?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Silence. The URCHINS stare at each other. Instantly, they spring into a vicious fight. They form a repulsive organism of punches, yanks, kicks, bites, scrapes, and all manner of horror. When the fighting is finally over, everyone is collapsed and exhausted. CABAL watches, waiting.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 Eventually, LABOR starts to slowly stagger to its feet<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

We have a successful candidate. Kindly take up that bag and follow me. On second thought (examines the URCHINS<\/em>) I don\u2019t suppose any of you was killed in that altercation?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Everyone starts slowly stirring, except EDUCATION, who remains perfectly still<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Excellent. It appears I now need two of you. See how competition expands the market?<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Hearing this, ARTS shuffles to a stand and as quickly as possible in its exhausted state<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Very good. (indicates LABOR<\/em>) You, take up that bag. (indicates ARTS<\/em>) You drag your deceased friend along. Chop chop! And since I\u2019m feeling generous\u2026 (indicates SCIENCE, who has almost managed to stand<\/em>) You! You can carry my bag. One penny each! Come along.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 Exhausted, worn out, near death; LABOR, ARTS, and SCIENCE each grab their charge and start pulling. They are all moving very slowly<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CABAL<\/strong><\/p>\n

Pick up the pace now. You call this one penny\u2019s worth of work? Perhaps I should pay you a schilling or a grote, hm? This is hardly penny-labor I\u2019m seeing. Come now, we have to be home in one hour. For every minute you\u2019re late, I shall charge you one schilling. So let\u2019s get a move on, now.<\/p>\n

\u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 \u00a0 CABAL exists. Slowly, achingly, the URCHINS drag the corpses. LEISURE watches, still not standing, still in terrible shape. Everything is slow. After a moment, SCIENCE drops from exhaustion. LEISURE creeps in and is about to steal the corpse and start dragging, when SCIENCE manages to spring up and shove LEISURE away. LEISURE collapses to sit again and watches.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 They drag the corpses.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 The lights dim out.<\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We hear the rain and anemic thunder<\/em>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

For this play, we were ordered to write a fan fiction. Or something like that. I don’t really remember. Johannes Cabal and the Grave Urchins A Fanfic of the work of Jonathan L. Howard \u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0\u00a0 We hear rain and anemic … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2},"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[20,9],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-2106","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-short-plays","category-theater-stuff"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9u111-xY","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=2106"}],"version-history":[{"count":4,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":2110,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/2106\/revisions\/2110"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=2106"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=2106"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=2106"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}