{"id":4712,"date":"2016-11-04T01:06:41","date_gmt":"2016-11-04T06:06:41","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4712"},"modified":"2016-11-05T06:19:40","modified_gmt":"2016-11-05T11:19:40","slug":"november-3-made-up-the-tricepted-crown","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4712","title":{"rendered":"November 3 (made-up): The Tricepted Crown"},"content":{"rendered":"

A spotlight\u00a0rises to reveal three queens: GONERIL, REGAN, and CORDELIA. They are standing shoulder to shoulder. Each has her right arm stretched out and up before her. They are grasping a single brilliant coronet between them. After a moment’s struggle, the coronet breaks in three. Each queen clutches a fragment to her chest.<\/em><\/p>\n

Slowly, the lights expand to reveal a barren heath. There we see three resplendent kings and three resplendent coteries of nobles. Conveniently, they are color-coordinated: green for Goneril, red for Regan, and (disappointingly) gold for Cordelia.<\/em><\/p>\n

They look at each other.<\/em><\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nLet’s never let power come between us.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nSeems like an odd thing to say right out the gate.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nCharles. (her king approaches<\/em>) Expand our troops to the northern and western lines. Recreate the third division as my personal guard and bring them up at once.<\/p>\n

CHARLES, the King of France, nods and leaves, taking two French soldiers with him.<\/em><\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nExpand your troops?<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nDon’t you trust us?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\n“Trust, but verify” is the motto de jour. I am seizing central Britain. The contested lands are contested no longer. Goneril, you and your lord Albany shall march\u00a0North and return to Scotland: you have ruled there happily for several years and may continue to do so. Regan, you and your lord Cornwall shall reboard your ships and turn back to Ireland. See that no rebellion is fomented on that green isle. I shall reign in the central Britain and Wales. Any disputes that arise between the two of you shall be mediated by me, here on our central throne. Seeing as there is a literal sea dividing you, no such contentions are anticipated.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nWhy come you get France and<\/em> England and<\/em> Wales?<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nDaddy said the land should be divided up equally.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nEquality is a myth, or at best a philosophical axiom. It has little application in the real world.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nNuh uh!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nWhile we stand here bickering, my forces are solidifying. I have made my decisions. You are free to make yours. We shall see whose worldview prevails.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA’S private guard arrives. They are intimidating<\/em>.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nWell, my worldview is that you’re a asshole!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nNoted.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nHow come you get the throne?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI am the only queen who makes decisions using reason. Because of this, I believe I deserve central power. I will make more rational and balanced decisions than either of you.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nAre you calling me stupid?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nIf that’s the word you want to use, then fine.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nI can’t believe you called me that! You are so mean!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nDo you think you would make a better ruler than I would?<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nYes!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nWhy?<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nCause I wouldn’t be such a cock-head!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nAnd that’s your definition of a good ruler? Someone who is nice?<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nYes!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nWell let’s test that theory. Men! Hold this ground (indicates a spot). Repel my sisters from this immediate area.<\/p>\n

The French troops advance and drive the other sisters away<\/em>.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nStop!<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nDon’t be a cock-head! Why is everyone such a cock-head! You’re all head-cocks.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nIt appears my methods are more effective.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nCan’t we all just get along?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nIf you are content with Ireland, and you with Scotland, then yes, we can get along.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nThat’s not fair!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI already addressed that issue.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nCome on, be real. Why are you being this way?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nIt is effective and efficient.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nWhy are you so upset?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI am not upset. I am a superior ruler, and I am taking this land. I have already explained why.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nIs it cause Goneril called you a cock-head?<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nCause she is one!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nThat didn’t happen until after I made my claim.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nSo what’s wrong?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nThe only thing wrong is that you are refusing to accept my terms, yet you have offered no justification for your counterclaim.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nI think this would all smooth over if we could all just be respectful of one another.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nYeah, fucker!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI am not the one calling anyone names.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nThere’s no need to be offended.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI am not offended. You are making irrational and unfounded claims, and I am pointing them out. Moreover, you are distracting from the central point of this argument. You want the central throne, but still have offered no justification for why you deserve it.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nWhy are you being this way?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI want the throne, and I believe I deserve it. If there are not counterpoints, I will consider it mine.<\/p>\n

GONERIL<\/strong>
\nFuck you, you fucking Nazi!<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nWhy are you being so inconsiderate?<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI have already addressed that issue. You are refusing to listening to me while simultaneously projecting your own irrationalities onto me.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nIf you would just apologize, we could lay this whole thing to rest.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nI have done nothing that warrants apology. I have work to do, and I want to get to it.<\/p>\n

REGAN<\/strong>
\nWell fuck you! You fuckin’… Cock-head! Cock-head!<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nAll right, well, when you’ve calmed down, we can reopen negotiations. Until then, I insist you retreat to your own seats of power. Men!<\/p>\n

The Troops push the sisters back. They continue to shout the same insult over and over. Eventually, they vanish<\/em>.<\/p>\n

CORDELIA<\/strong>
\nOh, what a fertile\u00a0promontory.<\/p>\n

END<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A spotlight\u00a0rises to reveal three queens: GONERIL, REGAN, and CORDELIA. They are standing shoulder to shoulder. Each has her right arm stretched out and up before her. They are grasping a single brilliant coronet between them. After a moment’s struggle, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4712","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-november-scripts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9u111-1e0","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4712","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4712"}],"version-history":[{"count":5,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4712\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4724,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4712\/revisions\/4724"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4712"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4712"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4712"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}