{"id":4732,"date":"2016-11-06T20:53:54","date_gmt":"2016-11-07T02:53:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4732"},"modified":"2016-11-07T09:20:00","modified_gmt":"2016-11-07T15:20:00","slug":"november-6-farce-the-hubris-of-asmodeus","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4732","title":{"rendered":"November 6 (Farce): The Hubris of Asmodeus"},"content":{"rendered":"

A red light rises on ASMODEUS, a demon in tattered finery. He is standing at CS, staring upward into the Abyss. Nearby BABD, also in tattered finery, reclines on a divan, or some such thing. She begins by looking up, but in time examines her own outstretched hand, almost as though it were a mirror by which she looks into herself. A very low, quiet hum is (just barely) heard. ASMODEUS’S attention drifts downward. He briefly looks back at BABD, then back upward into the ABYSS.<\/em><\/p>\n

PUKA, another demon in tattered finery, runs onstage, and quickly starts circling ASMODEUS. PUKA is flailing hands, freaking out. The humming subsides<\/em>.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nOmigoshOmigoshOmigoshOmigoshOmigosh! We’re all gonna DIIIIYEEEEYAIAAWWWWWIYYYY!!!<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nUnlikely.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nThe Abyss is in total disorder. To-tal Dis-order!<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nHence the name.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\n(crosses to BABD<\/em>) But what happens when they see it!?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nPlenty of people have seen it. Puka, what’s wrong with you?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nThe Light-Bearer is coming!<\/p>\n

PUKA receives instant attention from BABD and ASMODEUS<\/em>.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nWhat?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nLuciel is coming here! The<\/em> Light-Bearer is coming here! ‘s got some kind of… plan… to reorganize the Abyss.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nReorganize?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nAnd if’e sees thiiiiis<\/em>… we’re screwed! Skay-rooooood!<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nWell, when? When’s the arrival?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\n… Uhhhhhhhhhhh–<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nYou don’t know?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nI panicked! I panicked<\/em>! Tell me you wouldn’t have panicked!<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nI would not have panicked.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nPride goeth–<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nDon’t say that.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nAll right. You say there’s a plan, a plan to reorganize. So. Seeing an Abyss in… disorder… should hardly be a cause for upset.<\/p>\n

Silence<\/em>.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nMaybe we should clean up a little.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nMaybe.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL enters. Another demon, but dressed much more impressively. LUCIEL seems immensely self-confident, yet equally confident in the capacity of others to agree with anything he says<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nGreetings!<\/p>\n

PUKA shrieks, loud and long, and flees behind the divan<\/em>.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nGood morning, Luciel, how can we help you?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nMorning? Is it morning?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\n… Yes?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nTime is an illusion. Babd, Asmodeus… Puka… I have been reborn.<\/p>\n

Silence<\/em>.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nWhere did you go this time, Luciel?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nA magical place called… Earth.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nEarth again?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYou’ve been?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nNo Luciel, we’ve been here.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWell, all the same, Earth is an incredibly… diverse place. It’s so… so, so, so so so… evolutionary. Rev<\/em>olutionary! Things are just constantly… changing.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nOh, I think we get enough of that.<\/p>\n

BABD indicates the Abyss, above. LUCIEL glances up<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nOh! Oh, no, no, no no no no, not that<\/em> revolutionary… Actually, I was rather expecting it to be a bit cleaned up by now.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nWe’re sorry<\/em>! (collapses at LUCIEL’S feet<\/em>) We tried<\/em>! We triiiiiiiiied! (completely breaks down<\/em>) It was just too big, it was too big it was too biiiiiiiiiiiiiig… Oh gwaaaaaaaaaaaaah…<\/p>\n

A long time. They wait for PUKA to run out of gas<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYes, well… All the same, I think we can make use of this, this, this… chaos.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nWonderful. I’m glad we could keep the fires going for you.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYou see! Everything happens for a purpose.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nDid you just say everything happens for a purpose? You?<\/em><\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYes! You see, that’s the power, the power of Earth! I have seen something new, something so new… it’s incredible!<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nWhat is it?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\n(takes a big breath<\/em>) Musical Theater!<\/p>\n

Silence<\/em>.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nOkay.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nBabd! Babd. Do you remember Athens?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nIt’s still around, isn’t it?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nNo! No no no no, old Athens. With the performances. The orgies. The singing? The singing; you must remember the singing.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nVaguely. I was only there briefly.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYes! This, this is like that. But not! It’s so much… bigger! So complicated, so vibrant, so colorful, so… (points to the Abyss<\/em>) chaotic! I’m working on a script.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nThat sounds delightful, Luciel.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nHell is too, too, too too too… sterile. I mean, we torture, we prod, we assault, but where is the love I ask you?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nLacking, sadly.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nPrecisely. I’m working on a script.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nYou don’t say.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nWhat’s it called?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nI’m de-lighted you asked. It’s called… “The Pony Express.”<\/p>\n

Silence<\/em>.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\n(sincerely<\/em>) I love it.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nDon’t you love it!?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nI do!<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nPonies. Dozens of ponies, singing their pony hearts out!<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nAbout what?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWho cares? That’ll come later, later, the point is it’s raw, and yet innocent, and yet… sincere!<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nTotally!<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nAnd the best part is, the best part is: their horns… glow… when they sing.<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nWhat!?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nI know!<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nWhat!? What!? What!?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nI know, I know, I know!<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nGenius!<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nPonies don’t have horns.<\/p>\n

Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWhat?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nPonies don’t have horns. You’re thinking of unicorns. They don’t exist.<\/p>\n

Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWell, all the same… that’s… that’s why I came here! Where else can I get something that doesn’t exist except out of the Abyss?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nBut you’re still calling it The Pony Express?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nPony just sounds better!<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\n(muttering<\/em>) Why don’t you just put dildos on their heads.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWhat?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\n… Nothing.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nHe said, “Why don’t you just put dildos on their heads.”<\/p>\n

Silence<\/em>.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nAsmodeus.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nYes, Light-Bearer?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYou’ve been here some time, have you not?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nYes, Light-Bearer.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nCut off from the rest of the world, cut off from… station… degree… respect… So let me assure you… You are… a genius!<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS & BABD<\/strong>
\nWhat?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nDildos on heads?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nYes! It’s so meaningful, so vibrant, so…<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nDildoey?<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nExactly! Brilliant! Brilliant! Now where can I get five dozen dildos?<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nI know just the place, Light-Bearer!<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nWell let’s go then!<\/p>\n

PUKA<\/strong>
\nListen, while I’ve got you, I’ve got some ideas about the script.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL<\/strong>
\nI am all ears.<\/p>\n

LUCIEL and PUKA walk off<\/em>.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nWell… We got rid of him.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nFor now.<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nDo you really think he can pull unicorns out of the Abyss?<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nDo you think he’s going to impale the dildos on their horns? Assuming he can find either?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nI suppose.<\/p>\n

Pause<\/em>.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nWhat do suppose he really wanted?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\nPonies, evidently… with dildos on their heads.<\/p>\n

ASMODEUS<\/strong>
\nDoes anyone ever know what they want?<\/p>\n

BABD<\/strong>
\n(sighs<\/em>) How can something so banal emerge so close to the Abyss?<\/p>\n

Silence. ASMODEUS looks up into the Abyss. The hum returns<\/em>.<\/p>\n

The lights fade out.<\/em><\/p>\n

END<\/strong><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

A red light rises on ASMODEUS, a demon in tattered finery. He is standing at CS, staring upward into the Abyss. Nearby BABD, also in tattered finery, reclines on a divan, or some such thing. She begins by looking up, … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4732","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-november-scripts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9u111-1ek","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4732"}],"version-history":[{"count":2,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4734,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4732\/revisions\/4734"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4732"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4732"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4732"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}