{"id":4740,"date":"2016-11-08T19:25:28","date_gmt":"2016-11-09T01:25:28","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4740"},"modified":"2016-11-08T19:26:05","modified_gmt":"2016-11-09T01:26:05","slug":"november-8-apocalypse-apocalypse-cow","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/?p=4740","title":{"rendered":"November 8 (apocalypse): Apocalypse Cow"},"content":{"rendered":"

Lights up on an idyllic pasture. Flutes are playing. A trio of cows is grazing.<\/em><\/p>\n

A red sun rises. The cows are moved from their lethargy. They look up in mildly output surprise as a great light flashes.<\/em><\/p>\n

We hear a long, bassy, enormous explosion.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lights out.<\/em><\/p>\n

Silence.<\/em><\/p>\n

Lights slowly rise. We hear gunshots in the distance. Someone curses loudly.<\/em><\/p>\n

Two cows rush onstage. BESSY is wounded and holding her rifle in one hand. She is limping along, supported by DOWSIBEL. They collapse by rock.<\/em><\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nOh gawd I fucked up. I fucked up bad, Sarge!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYer gonna be a’right, kid.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI don’t think we’re ever gonna take that hill, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nThat’s bullshit, Private! We’re gonna take that hill, we’re gonna graze, we’re gonna chew our cud, and we’re gonna have a magical time. You hear me?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYeah, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYou here me, Private!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI hear ya, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYer gonna chew yer cud, Private. Ya got it?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYeah.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nSay it!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI’m gonna chew my cud!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nA’right! Let’s take a look at that wound, Private.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nAw jeez. Aw jeez it’s real bad, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI don’t wanna hear that, Private.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI’m gettin’ all woozy.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nThat’s just the shakes, you know it, you had ’em before.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI ain’t had no shakes in nearly a year, Sarge, you know that.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nShut up, Private!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYou got it, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nMedic!! Bessy. Bessy!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYeah Sarge?<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI want ya to take ya hooves and yer gonna hold ’em right over this and yer gonna press down hard, got it?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYeah Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nDo it!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nOkay, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nMEDIC<\/em>!!!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nMedic’s dead, Sarge, you saw ‘er.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nNo way.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYou saw ‘er get blown to Farmer John’s, Sarge, you saw ‘er. I know cause I seed you watchin’.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI ain’t seen nothin’.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI saw you watchin’, Sarge. I seed ya starin’ while ‘er farm-forsaken guts flew up in the farm-forsaken air, Sarge! You saw it!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI ain’t seen nothin’!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYou seed it, Sarge!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nA’right I seen it! So what!? There’s other medics out there! MEDIC!!!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nIt’s gettin’ dark, Sarge.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\n‘salways dark these days, Bessy.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nNot like this, Sarge, not like this. I’m gettin’ cold.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nSun’s settin’.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSun ain’t settin’, Sarge! I’m dyin’, dammit, I’m dyin’!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYou ain’t dyin’!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI’m dyin’, Sarge!<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYou ain’t dyin’, Bessy! Yer the only one left! You ain’t dyin’ on me, Private! That’s an order!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYou ain’t dyin’ on me, Private. Say it!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge–<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI gave you an order, Private, now say it!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nA’right Sarge, a’right. I ain’t dyin’, Sarge, I ain’t dyin’.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nThat’s farm-damn right, yer not. Yer gonna make it, Private, ya hear me? MEDIC!!!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nWhere’s the farm-damn medics!? Get me a medic over here!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nThey’re all dead, Sarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nMEDIC!!!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge… Sarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nHuh?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge?<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nYeah, Bessy, what is it?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge?<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nWhat!?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYou ever… You ever wonder, Sarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI ain’t wonderin’ nothin’ and neither are you, now you hold them guts in!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nI’m holdin’, Sarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nMedic, farm-dammit! MEDIC<\/em>!!!<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSarge … Sarge… You ever wonder, Sarge…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI don’t… I ain’t… … What, Bessy? I ever wonder what?<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nYou ever wonder… what it was like? Before we got smart? Before all the guns shown up?<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nNo, Private, I ain’t ever wondered that. I ain’t got time for wonderin’, just fightin’.<\/p>\n

BESSY<\/strong>
\nSometimes when I’m dreamin’… I can still see it… Just a clear field… everybody just standing… chewin’… grass everywhere… everywhere, Sarge… Clear blue sky… Clear Green Fields… Clear Green Fields…<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nI ain’t gotta sleep for a clear green field, Private. There’s a clear green field on that hill, and we’re gonna take that hill! Ya hear? We’re gonna take it for Nudgins and Oreo and Clackers, for Milky White and Bullaboo. Ya hear me? We’re takin’ that hill! And we’re gonna eat. We’re gonna eat ’til we burst! Eat ’til we turn green! And all our buddies gonna be looking down on us from their Clear Green Fields and wishin’ they was here with us, cause there ain’t no grass so good, no field so green, no nothin’ so great as the field ya take yerself, ya hear? The field ya fight for, that’s your field, farm-dammit, and there ain’t nothin’ in no yesterday dreamland as sweet as that. And that’s why we’re takin’ that hill, ya hear me? Ya hear me? … Private, ya hear me? … … Bessy? … Bessy! … … Bessy…<\/p>\n

Silence. The stage grows a little darker. DOWSIBEL looks up and seems to recognize several someones. DOWSIBEL releases BESSY and stands.<\/em><\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL<\/strong>
\nTake me to the Clear Green Fields.<\/p>\n

DOWSIBEL readies her weapon to fire. Blackout.<\/em><\/p>\n

We hear many guns firing.<\/em><\/p>\n

Flutes are playing.<\/em><\/p>\n

END<\/strong>.<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Lights up on an idyllic pasture. Flutes are playing. A trio of cows is grazing. A red sun rises. The cows are moved from their lethargy. They look up in mildly output surprise as a great light flashes. We hear … Continue reading →<\/span><\/a><\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"closed","ping_status":"closed","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_publicize_feature_enabled":true,"jetpack_social_post_already_shared":false,"jetpack_social_options":{"image_generator_settings":{"template":"highway","default_image_id":0,"font":"","enabled":false},"version":2}},"categories":[29],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-4740","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-november-scripts"],"jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"","jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p9u111-1es","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4740","targetHints":{"allow":["GET"]}}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcomments&post=4740"}],"version-history":[{"count":3,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4740\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":4744,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=\/wp\/v2\/posts\/4740\/revisions\/4744"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fmedia&parent=4740"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Fcategories&post=4740"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/www.jaredmcdaris.com\/index.php?rest_route=%2Fwp%2Fv2%2Ftags&post=4740"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}