We hear screaming winds and manic chanting. Red lights rise on a jutting black promontory at CS. Surrounding the promontory are numerous figures in black robes, their hands stretched up; unsurprisingly, they are the source of the chanting. Standing atop the promontory is a single figure, presumably their LEADER, whose robes are purple.
The chanting reaches its apex. Lights flash. Flames shoot from US. The storms and shouting climax with a final brilliant flash of light, and suddenly there this Blackout and silence.
The silence goes on for several seconds.
Dim, golden light slowly fades up on the same promontory. The same people are there, their hands limp at their sides, staring up at the LEADER. More silence follows, until…
LEADER*
Now… I realize of course that last night was… disappointing. I’m sure I need hardly append that this has never happened to me before. I think it’s important we all recognize as well that the Book of Berethrax, though inspired by our perfect and malevolent master, was after all, written by people, and people are after all, fallible. That is, after all, why we hope to summon the Dark Beast Berethrax into our world, that he or she or it might subdue and consume the human race: we are, tragically, only human.
*It is the playwright’s opinion that the Leader, regardless of age, sex, gender, or type, should resemble, in action and speech, Robert East in his performance as Prince Harry in Series 1, Episode 1 of The Blackadder: “The Foretelling,” with a special focus on his monologue to the troops during the Battle of Ralph the Liar’s Day.
Sparse, half-polite chuckles from the crowd.
LEADER
I’m reminded of something Berethrax said to me when only a child. This was, of course, before the Dark Beast rallied his or her or its infernal armies of revenants and shadow serpents to march against the tall and haughty Gates of Heaven. He, or she or it, said to me, “Chris,” he or she or it said (we were on a first-name basis, even then), “Chris, being a mere and petty mortal, you will of course find yourself prone to frequent mistakes. You are imperfect, which is after all why I intend to one day expunge your petty and insignificant species from the Earth and cast you down into eternal torment. Until then, however, it is vitally important that you do not allow your obvious shortcomings to shunt you into despair. One day you will summon me, and I shall return – or not! – but until that time, you’ll just have to muddle on as best you can, always put a bright face on things, and never let yourself become discouraged.” Inspiring words, I felt, and still feel. So, I think it’s in our best interest if we all gather up our things, return to the compound, and settle in for another quick decade of servitude, worship, and of course preparation. We’ll try this again on the next third blue moon. Not to worry, the time will flow so quickly, I expect we’ll feel as surprised and unprepared as we did for Gladys’ birthday party last week. So in summation: stay positive, put your noses to the grindstone, and let’s make this next decade even more productive than the last! Hands in!
The LEADER puts an outstretched hand down toward all the cultists. They do not react. Another tense silence follows.
RANDOM CULTIST
This is bullshit!
ANGRY CULTIST
I been working on this for seven years!
FURIOUS CULTIST
I’v been working on this for twenty-three years!
RANDOM CULTIST
When the hell is Berethrax gonna get here already?
DISGRUNTLED CULTIST
Yeah! I told my ex-girlfriend I was gonna experience the ecstasy of my ego-death by Berethrax’ sublime mastication. If she sees me next week while she’s out getting smoothies with that douche-bag lawyer, I’ll look like an idiot!
Suddenly, more jets of fire burst up. The LEADER hits the floor. Everyone else stairs in awe. Great, brassy trumpets sound a clarion call, and the rattle of marching boots can be heard. As the trumpets let out a final sennet, BERETHRAX appears on the promontory. The Great Beast’s features are largely obscured, as he or she or it is clad (yes clad) in armor the color of blood and bones. Choral music, the sort found in modern fantasy movies, is now playing. BERETHRAX reaches down and partly lifts up the LEADER. The cultists all kneel before the sight as BERETHRAX inadvertently creates a quasi-imitation of The Lion King. This moment is soon quashed, however, as BERETHRAX tosses the LEADER down into the throngs. The LEADER is, presumably, caught and, presumably, unharmed.
BERETHRAX
My people! I have returned from conquest!
Silence. Much shuffling of feet. In time, the LEADER leaps up and cheers emphatically, clapping hands and stomping feet. Eventually, everyone takes the hint and starts cheering. This goes on for some time. When satisfied, BERETHRAX raises a fist in the air and stops them cold.
BERETHRAX
Heaven has fallen!
Again, uncertainty. The LEADER again gets everyone to start cheering. When satisfied, BERETHRAX opens the closed fist into a “stop” command, silencing everyone.
BERETHRAX
The Kingdom of Heaven is mine. The few that remain of the holy shall be cast down upon your despoiled land and kept imprisoned as befits their station. You creatures shall be charged with the erection of the fortresses, strongholds, and (for the meanest among them) keeps that will house their lot.
Yet again, silence.
RANDOM CULTIST
Like… construction workers?
BERETHRAX
What?
LEADER
Yes, we… construction, in a sense, I mean. I’m sure the Great Beast Berethrax intends for us to rule over the peasants and wards who will do the actual lifting and building and… construction… ing. Yes?
BERETHRAX
I don’t care.
LEADER
Yes! See? Of course. And naturally, once the Earth gets a taste of Berethrax and the eternal fury of holy hellfire, I’m sure we’ll have little trouble convincing them of just who’s calling the shots here.
BERETHRAX
I do not intend to stay.
LEADER
Yes great – what, huh now?
BERETHRAX
Heaven is mine. I ascend my golden seat. Do what you want with this pit, so long as I get my prisons.
LEADER
… Yyyyyeeeeesssss… I wonder, uh, Great Beast Berethrax, if we might–
BERETHRAX
Farewell!
More gouts of flame. BERETHRAX leaves. Utter silence ensues. Everyone slowly turns to stare at the LEADER. Silence. The LEADER tries to climb back up onto the promontory, but fails, several times. Eventually, the poor LEADER has no choice but to turn and face the unimpressed throng.
LEADER
So… the great day has come at last! We’ve got a lot of work ahead of us, but I think it’s important we take time to celebrate our victories. Let’s all return to the compound for a thirty-minute Tex-Mex luncheon–
DISGRUNTLED CULTIST
Where’s the hellfire!?
FURIOUS CULTIST
Where’s the smiting of our enemies!?
ANGRY CULTIST
Where’s the illusory sense of importance and the inflated impression of vindication that comes from watching others outside your immediate sphere of influence suffer misfortunes from a pedestalled ideologue with whom you loosely associate?
Silence.
ALL CULTISTS
Yeah!
LEADER**
I think it’s important that we of course remember that the Great Beast Berethrax… has a lot on his shoulders… or hers… or its… And I think we must once again reflect that the Book of Berethrax, although inspired by our infernal and now (let us not forget) divine leader, is in fact written by humans, who are (as we agreed) fallible. So it is entirely understandable and, I should dare say, expected, that certain of the prophecies and predictions may come out slightly differently than we may have been led to what are you doing? Wait!
**During the above, the CULTISTS slowly close in on the LEADER. By the end, the LEADER is completely swarmed by followers. The lights quickly fade out as they seem to rear up as a single unit, ready to collapse on their erstwhile LEADER.
END